2.1 8 days....

I am 8 days away from the walk of faith where I join hands with the one I love. I am 8 days away from the happiest day of my life. 8 days away from looking into the eyes of the man God has given me to walk through the storms of life together. 8 days that I will look forward to each day until there isn't anymore days left. Each day will bring me one step closer, filled with happy thoughts of the future and the day to come. All of life's worries can be farther away than the farthest ocean from that special day. Nothing can rob my happiness, my pure joy of knowing this day was what I have waited for, for so long. I will enjoy this day. Tomorrow brings on 7 days left!

2.0 God is good

God is good!!

1.9 Lots of lovely feelings...

Today as I watched two other people join hands together in a lasting commitment as marriage I drew hope in the fact that one day Richard and I would be doing that very thing. Do I long for that day to be in a week? Yes. Have I managed to understand it is God's willing that it not be then, but instead for a better day? Yes. I know God will work new beginnings in Rich and I's relationship. That we will grow a stronger bond through this. I mean, we've already gone past the biggest part in all of this, and that was actually accepting the decision for the wedding to be postponed. I have definitely put my trust back in Richard to hold up his promise to me and to himself to work on his walk with You. I pray so hard that he continues to work on it and does not let You fall by the wayside again Lord. I cannot let my heart be broken again and do not want all of my efforst to be in vain Lord. I pray that You will in the end bless Rich and I with a beautiful, God-fearing marriage in the end. I am settled on whenever that may be Lord. I just want Richard to prove that he can do this. That he can be a godly man. I love him so much Lord and I feel a closeness growing like I haven't felt since things had turned dark when the wedding postponement was brewing. With all of that fiasco behind me, I feel confident to move forward. Most definitely after June 27th I will feel even more confident to move forward. God, I pray that June 27th will not be a bad day Lord. As it may not be meant to be a day where Rich and I become one anymore, I still feel it is meant to be special. A special reminder that we can go forward from this and that by obeying you God we can truly be blessed with a special gift of a full marriage in the future.

1.8 So long self...

The song MercyMe has called "So Long Self" seems to fit quite perfectly with where my life is heading right now. I am wanting to say goodbye to my old self in the sense that it is not my life that is truly important in this lifetime, but it is God's life that is important. It is also sort of a song for those who are choosing to accept Christ's gift into their life and are making the room necessary in their heart for God. I can really see that it is much more important for me to be lifting up God's name and fulfilling His desires rather than my own. This summer is going to be really awesome Lord and I am so excited to see how I can grow, as well as how Richard will grow as he learns to lean on You more and more each day and with each circumstance. These two verses in Isaiah seem to mesh really well with the song I was playing by MercyMe:

"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean;
Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes.
Cease to do evil,
Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Rebuke the oppressor;
Defend the fatherless,
Plead for the widow.-Isaiah 1:16-17

I know that when the Lord asks me to come clean of my sins it is because I must repent in order to be close to Him again. God hates sin and so it is natural for us to become distant from Him when we are living in sin, but when we repent of those sins and want to be made clean then we can truly come back into fellowship with the Lord again.

1.7 One more day...

Only one more day until I can move into the Trinity House!!!! I am so excited to live in my first place away from home and the dorms! A new journey begins this summer and I get to buy my own groceries and actually use my budgeting skills that Aunty Karen taught me! I am so excited to go to California, but also a bit nervous God. I do not want to mess up anything with purity Lord so that is my new prayer from now until then. I will work really hard God to build up a full Armor of God to keep my self safe from the enemy! I do not want Satan attacking me while I could go and have fun in California with my fiance Richard and my best friend Mikie. I pray that Richard would work really hard as well at praying about his purity and commitment to growing in his walk with You Lord. Yesterday while I was at the Trinity House I really liked the feeling of it. Even though there won't be near as many girls there this summer, I still cannot wait to be immersed around different women of God. To feel the encouragement from them and to be able to play my Christian music loud and put things on my wall that are fulfilling to you and to just talk to other women about spiritual stuff...it will be so nice! I pray that finances can be worked out God and for living situations for the Fall. I am going to end for now, but I am thankful for Your love and mercy God. I will try really hard today to be better about my words and actions Lord. Amen.

1.6 Totally Encouraged and Uplifted :)

Wow, tonight was awesome! I was a bit nervous though when I first got there, because I had known only a couple of the women there. I thought that maybe someone would eventually see my shyness and come introduce themselves to me, and it turns out the girl who did was one of the girls who shared their testimony. Tatum is a total blessing God and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity tonight to hear her pour her heart out and what You have done in her life and the lives of her family! As I listened to her speak, I felt like there had been so much in common between our two lives. For one, like her I also struggle with perfecting everything in my life and having to have control in every aspect. I have really learned A LOT these past couple weeks on how I cannot have control over my life, because it is not my own. You bought it at a high price God when You died on that cross. I cannot simply live my life for you and still try to control every part of it. I especially slip up in this when ever there are trials going on in my life or in Richards. I have to learn to just completely drop all strings attached to the issue and just run to You, and ask for your guidance in the trial and to lead me throughout it. I must spend time before my day begins everyday asking for your comfort and guidance throughout the day. Also to simply remind myself everyday that I am not my own, but that You have purchased me at a very high price and so I must submit myself humbly to your wisdom and teaching. Something that Maryn reminded me of tonight is that whenever I think I can handle a situation, I must recheck myself and make sure that I am not trying to do it all on my own strength. Also, that I must have the right motivation and heart when going into decisions. When I accept something is going to happen, I must have a heart that knows I cannot change what will happen as well as just knowing You are changing it for a reason that will make my life more fruitful in the future! This dance performance is not the most important thing in my life and I understand now that You are trying to teach me that my motivations were in the wrong thing by thinking that it was unfair that I could not perform there and trying to be angry about it while trying to accept it ultimately. I am doing something much more important and that is supporting the man in my life who I know You will change God. I must show growth in You Lord towards Richard to see that he will grow God. It will make things much easier in the future if I just work on seeing through Your eyes Lord.
Well, I best be getting to bed if I am going to be rested for my final tomorrow morning! Love You Lord! Goodnight!

1.4 Hopeful :)

In You, O Lord, I put my trust;
Let me never be ashamed;
Deliver me in Your righteousness.
Bow down Your ear to me,
Deliver me speedily;
Be my rock of refuge,
A fortress of defense to save me.

For You are my rock and my fortress;
Therefore, for Your name's sake,
Lead me and guide me.
Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me,
For You are my strength.
Into Your hand I commit my spirit;
You have redeemed me, O Lord God of truth.--Psalms 31:1-5

But he who trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him.
Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous;
And shout for joy, all you upright in heart!--Psalms 32:10b-11